The room was dim. A faint light shined through the blinds from the moon. I set up in my bed as he stood next to it. He spoke to me. We talked as if time never separated us. Like he was never gone. Tonight I spoke with my father.
It had been almost twelve years since I’d last saw him. I had buried that last memory of him deep in my mind. For years I’d suppressed it..the day I watched him die. Father’s Day had been the last day he had been able to speak to me. A few days later I found myself by his bedside. One hand holding his and the other holding my stomach. I was carrying a child he would never get to meet and for my own selfish reasons I didn’t want him to leave me. But he was tired of fighting. Tired of the smell of hospital rooms and tired of poison running through his veins. He was no longer the strong man who had raised me. He was sick. Weak. I watched my father take his left breath as mucus rattled inside his throat. Watched his chest rise and fall one last time. And when he was gone, something inside me left with him.
I’d spent all these years searching for something I could never find. Searching for this piece of me that I could barely remember. Looking for something I might not even recognize. But on this night, when he visited my room, I found it. On this night I cried.
Tears ran down my face as my body went numb. The sound of light tapping begin to echo through the dark. I was paralyzed and couldn’t move as I watched my father vanish into black smoke. I tried to call out to him but my vocals had turned mute. The black smoke evaporated through the window and floated outside into the trees. Through the cracks in my blinds I saw the smoke form into dark creatures. They set in the trees and watched me continue to cry. Soon they begin to fade into the night sky and the feeling returned to my body.
I tried to convince myself that this wasn’t real. But I couldn’t explain the fact that I was sitting in bed facing towards the window. I couldn’t explain the tears that covered my cheeks. I couldn’t decipher the thin line between reality and a dream.